


Can I Get Your House Key?

by wherehopelies



Series: I'd Rather Be With You (Say You Want the Same Thing Too) [5]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Bemily Week 2019, F/F, Fluff, barely any drama or angst, im late but whatever this is too long, maybe just a smidgen for Teen Angst and Development but really theres like none
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 00:26:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18200999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherehopelies/pseuds/wherehopelies
Summary: Since they were kids, Emily and Beca always used to joke how they would live together when they got older. Emily never expected those jokes to become reality, but she never expected to fall in love with her best friend since kindergarten either.for bemily week 2019 day 7 - childhood friends. i know im late but it's fine.





	Can I Get Your House Key?

**Author's Note:**

> title song is House Key by Scott Helman

The first memory Emily has of Beca is from the first day of kindergarten. Their moms say they’d met before at preschool, but Emily doesn’t remember any of that.

What she does remember is the horrible nerves of the first day of school. She still remembers those nerves because her stomach feels the same way when she steps on stage to perform her music now, twenty years later.

She had felt very sick that morning, squeezing her mom’s hand and telling her she didn’t feel good. They were already at the school, though, and her mom was laughing with a few other moms who seemed ten feet tall to Emily, who was not very tall at all.

She nervously tugged on her overall strap, looking around at this big new place, the crowd of kids lining up on the blacktop and waiting to go inside. The summer sun was bright on her face and she had to keep squinting whenever she looked somewhere new.

Her mom had hold of her hand, but it didn’t matter how hard Emily squeezed it, she didn’t feel any better. There were kids much bigger than her yelling across the playground at other kids, bouncing basketballs back and forth. A few of the bigger kids were jumproping, the rope slapping against the pavement every second with a loud _thwap._

Her tummy gurgled and her eyes squinted and everything was so _much_. And then --

Then it wasn’t quite so much. Then there was someone next to her in line, her arms crossed against her chest, her much-bigger-than-her-body backpack nearly dragging on the ground as it hung down her back.

The girl’s mom stepped closer and started talking to Emily’s mom, shooting a _hi, Emily!_ at Emily. But Emily didn’t know her, she was pretty sure. Instead, she just kept looking at this new girl, a few inches taller than Emily and wearing the prettiest sunglasses Emily’d ever seen.

They were green (lime green, her mom would tell her when she asked later), and shaped like stars. They were _awesome_.

“I like your sunglasses,” Emily murmured, not too shy but very nervous.

The girl smiled at her, showing a gap in her front teeth. “Thanks, I like your shoes.”

Emily looked down at her shoes. They were her favorite shoes. They were red and she liked them because they had laces but they tucked inside. Emily didn’t know how to tie them yet, but she didn’t have to. Her mom said it was cool to just push them inside the shoe instead.

“What’s your name?” Emily asked, because it was important you know your friends’ names. And Emily already knew this girl was her friend because they liked each other’s things.

“Beca. What’s yours?”

“Emily. Do you wanna be friends?”

Beca stared at her, her face very serious. After a very long second, where Emily’s tummy really went crazy, she nodded. “Yep. I think we’re best friends.”

Emily beamed, her tummy suddenly feeling a lot better. She held her hand up to block the sun so she could see her new friend without squinting.

“Here,” Beca said. She took her sunglasses off and handed them to Emily. “The sun’s not in my face.”

“Wow, really?” Emily took the sunglasses carefully. She didn’t want to drop them.

Beca nodded again. “Just be real careful.”

“I will.” Emily slid the glasses on her face.

Beca giggled at her. “You look cool.”

“I do?”

“Uh huh.” Beca had the best smile, thought Emily. It was so nice. “You look pretty.”

Happiness rushed through Emily’s tiny body. She reached out and grabbed Beca’s hand. “Maybe we can sit next to each other inside. I’ll ask the teacher.”

“Okay.” Beca squeezed their fingers together. “Just don’t sit next to that kid.” She pointed over at a chubby boy with brown hair. “That’s my neighbor. His name’s Bumper. And ummm… I’m not ‘lowed to hang out with him.”

“Why not?”

Beca shrugged. “I made him cry on accident.”

Emily felt her eyes widen. “Really?” She whispered. “How come?”

“He said I couldn’t play with his monster truck ‘cause only boys can. But I can too! So I took it to show him that girls can. Then he got mad and pushed me and it really hurt and I punched him in the nose and now my dad won’t let me talk to him.”

Emily opened her mouth. Then she closed it. Her mom says she shouldn’t ever hurt anyone if she can help it. But that kid started it, so if Beca did, it wasn’t her fault. And it’s mean that he wasn’t sharing. Emily nods to herself.

“Okay,” she says. “He sounds like a bad friend anyway.”

“He is,” Beca agrees. “He’s not best friends like us.”

“Right,” Emily smiles. “That’s because we’re best friends forever.”

And they really were.

~~

“I don’t get why I can’t be the dad this time.”

“Because Beca,” Emily explains. “You got to be the dad last time. It’s my turn now.”

“Ugh.” Beca slumps on the grass. “But being the mom SUCKS!”

Emily whirls around toward Beca’s house, but her mom is inside. “Don’t say that word, Bec, you’ll get us in trouble.”

Beca gives her a sly smile. “SUCKS!”

Emily slaps her hand over Beca’s mouth, but she’s giggling. Beca sticks her tongue out against Emily's palm and Emily gasps. “Gross, Beca!” She pulls her hand away and wipes it on her jeans.

Beca flops on her back in the grass, her body shaking with laughter. Emily pokes her in the stomach. “Sit up, you buttface.”

“You can’t tell me what to do. I’m older than you.”

Emily frowns. “Only by four months, that’s barely any time! We’re both still seven.”

“Older means older, Emmy. It’s the rules.”

“Well,” Emily argues, trying to think quickly. “I’m the dad this time so I get to be in charge. That’s also the rules.”

Beca leans up on her elbows. Her grumpy face is really cute. “I don’t like that rule. It’s not fair.”

At that moment, Beca’s mom comes out with their sandwiches. “What’s not fair?”

Emily pouts. “We’re a family and I’m the dad and Beca’s the mom. The dad is in charge, right?”

“In charge?” Beca’s mom sets their paper plates down in front of them. Beca quickly takes a big bite out of her sandwich, but Emily wants to wait and see what the answer is. Beca’s mom frowns. “Girls, both moms and dads are in charge. They share being in charge. They both can go to work and mow the lawn and clean the bathroom.”

“But you yelled at Dad ‘cause he never cleans the bathroom,” Beca says with her mouth full.

Beca’s mom pauses. Then she sighs. “Well, that’s because he as a person doesn’t like cleaning the bathroom. But it’s not because he’s the dad. Some dads do clean the bathroom.”

“So Dad is just bad at sharing?”

“Sort of.” Beca’s mom frowns. “It’s a little complicated, honey. But…” she squats down so she’s eye level with them. “Both the mom and the dad can be in charge at the same time, okay? In fact, some families don’t have just one mom and one dad to be in charge. Some families only have a mom and no dad. And some families have two dads. Do you get what I’m saying?”

Emily sort of does, but Beca nods quickly. “You mean me and Ems can both be the dad.”

Beca’s mom laughs. “Sure, if that’s what you want.” She stands back up straight. “You girls eat your lunch.”

“Thank you,” Emily says.

Beca’s mom winks at her before heading back inside. They eat their sandwiches as fast as possible so they can get back to playing.

“When we grow up and live in a real house together,” Beca says as they throw their paper plates in the garbage can, “we can share cleaning the bathroom.”

“Promise?” Emily asks.

Beca squeezes Emily’s hand. “Promise.”

~~

“Happy Birthday dear Emily, happy birthday to you!”

Emily blows the candles out on her cake, all twelve of them, smiling as everyone cheers. Her party is the best party ever. She got to invite all her friends and open presents and have a sleepover.

“And…” her mom says. “There’s one more present!”

Emily’s eyes widen. She thought she was done opening presents. “Really?”

“You haven’t seen Beca’s present yet, honey.”

“Oh.”

Across the table, Beca smiles at her, small and uncharacteristically shy. Chloe giggles and nudges Beca. Beca pushes her off, rolling her eyes.

“Ta-da!” Her dad beams, walking back into the kitchen and holding up a guitar. Emily’s jaw drops.

She nearly shrieks. “A guitar?!”

“Sorry, I didn’t wrap it,” Beca murmurs, but Emily’s already getting up and running around the table. She tackles Beca in a hug.

“I love it, I love it, I love it.”

“Mmpf,” Beca grunts, Emily’s hair in her mouth. “You’re choking me, Ems.”

Emily pulls back, still smiling cheek to cheek. “Sorry. Thank you, Beca, I love it so much!”

“You haven’t even played it,” Beca says, her cheeks turning pink. She shifts awkwardly with everyone’s attention on her.

“I don’t care, I love it.” Emily can’t stop smiling. She leans down to give Beca a kiss on the cheek. Next to them, Chloe and Stacie exchange giggles. Emily keeps her face close to Beca’s, whispering in her ear. “You’re my best friend.”

Beca’s cheeks turn even redder. “Yeah,” she mumbles. “Mine too. Um, can we have cake now?”

Emily laughs. “Uh huh.”

Later, when they’re all too hyped up on sugar to sleep and just hanging in Emily’s basement, watching a movie and talking, Beca scooches up next to her.

Emily wraps her arm around her shoulders. “Did I tell you that you’re my best friend?”

Beca snorts. “Only like, twelve times.”

“Make it thirteen.”

Beca shakes her head. “So, it’s not like, the best guitar. I tried to get a really nice one for you but I didn’t have enough money.”

Beca looks so sad about it that Emily pouts. “It’s the best present ever, Bec. I don’t care.”

“Well, I do,” Beca says, her tiny voice serious. “You need the best guitar if you’re gonna be a singer, so I’m gonna save my money and get you a better one.”

Happiness flutters in Emily’s chest. She has the best best friend in the whole world. “I don’t think I’ll need it until we’re like, twenty and done with school. That’s like eight years away.”

“Maybe not,” Beca admits. “But still.”

Emily squeezes Beca closer. “I love you. This is the best birthday ever. You’re my best friend.”

Beca laughs. “Fourteen times.”

“It’s true, Beca!”

“Yeah,” Beca says, resting her head on Emily’s shoulder. “You’re my best friend, too.”

~~

They’re fourteen when Emily gets her first boyfriend. They just started their freshman year and Emily is in love with high school. It’s _so_ much better than middle school.

Everything about high school is freeing. She gets to pick some of her classes and walk off campus to the McDonalds across the street at lunch if she wants. She rides her bike to and from school, chats with Beca in the hall between classes, and she even joins the musical.

That’s where she meets Benji.

He’s a sophomore and he’s super nice. He and Emily are both in the ensemble for _Grease_. He looks cute dressed like a Greaser and he always shares his Goldfish with Emily when they’re on break.

They kiss one day after rehearsal and Emily thinks her chest might explode from excitement.

Her first kiss!

She can’t wait to tell Beca.

When she finally does, though, Beca’s reaction isn’t what she’s expecting.

“Oh,” Beca mutters, frowning. “You guys like, legit kissed?”

“Like a small one,” Emily gushes, impervious to Beca’s mood change. “There wasn’t like, tongue or anything.”

Beca scrunches her nose at that. Emily thinks she’s cute. Emily’s been thinking Beca is super cute all the time lately. In the past year, Emily miraculously shot up like a beanstalk, so now she’s a few inches taller than Beca, which she thinks is so funny because Beca’s been taller than her since kindergarten.

Her mom says it’s puberty and Beca’s probably gonna be a late-bloomer. Puberty is weird. Emily also got her period and started to grow _boobs_ which is strange. She wears a bra now, has for the past year, which Beca holds up like a foreign object anytime she sees it in Emily’s room. Beca still wears a sports bra and as far as Emily knows, hasn’t gotten her period.

Still, they’re growing up. Once in awhile Emily notices that. Since they started high school, things have been different. Beca dresses different, wearing ripped jeans and these baggy flannels instead of whatever clothes her mom buys for her. She also got her cartilage pierced for her fourteenth birthday. Emily thinks it looks _hot_.

Something that’s extra new and different is that Beca also kisses on and off with Jesse Swanson, and when Emily asks her if they’re dating, she says no, they’re “fooling around”, whatever that means.

Beca isn’t the touchy-feely kid she’s always been. She’s moody and grumpy sometimes. Not with Emily usually, but other times, especially when her parents are fighting, which is basically always.

So yeah, they’re growing up and things are changing, but Beca’s still her best friend, and she thought Beca would be more excited for her about Benji.

“You look cute when you scrunch like that,” Emily teases. “But what’s with you? I thought you’d be happy we both have boyfriends.”

Beca scowls. “Dude, I told you. Jesse is _not_ my boyfriend.”

Emily rolls her eyes playfully. “Right. Still.”

“I…” Beca pauses, shifting on her bed where she’s sitting cross-legged across from Emily. “No, yeah. Sorry. I am, I just wasn’t expecting it. He doesn’t strike me as your type?”

“Really?”

Beca shrugs. “Maybe he is, I dunno.” She gives Emily a small smile. “Well, that’s awesome, dude.”

Emily pouts, grabbing Beca’s hand between them. “You know it doesn’t mean anything right? You’re still my best friend.”

“Yeah, obvs.” Beca scoffs playfully. “Like I’d be overshadowed by _that_ dweeb? Yeah right.”

Emily laughs. “Don’t be mean.” She unfolds her long legs and pushes off Beca’s bed. “I gotta get home, but let’s do something this weekend.”

Beca grunts. “Fine, but can it just be us? I’m tired of Aubrey glaring at me all the time, like what’s her deal?”

Emily grins as she puts her hoodie on. “She doesn’t like that you changed your earring stud to that spiky one.”

“Seriously? Bitch.”

“ _Beca_.”

“Sorry, but like. Come on. Does she expect me to change it back just for her or something? Not happening.”

Emily shakes her head in exasperation, leaning down to kiss Beca’s cheek. “Well, whatever, _I_ think it’s hot. Leave it. I gotta go, though. Text you later.”

“Fine,” Beca grumbles. “If you’re not too busy texting your _boyfriend_.”

Emily laughs at that, but the words follow her all the way home.

//

She pulls Chloe aside the next day in gym. “I need to ask you something.”

“Is it about that rumor about Stacie going around because I don’t know the truth so don’t ask.”

Emily pauses. “What rumor?”

Chloe shrugs. “Never mind. What’s up?”

“Okay…” Emily frowns. “So yesterday I told Beca how Benji and I started dating and she was being so weird about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno.” Emily starts the butterfly stretch when their gym teacher looks over so she doesn’t get called out for not doing anything. “I told her and she was like, _he’s not your type_. And I was like, _how_? And she didn’t answer. And then I was like, _text you later_ , and she was like, _okay if you’re not texting your boyyyyfrienddd._ Like, what?”

Chloe hums thoughtfully. “I mean, I don’t know what she’s going on about, he’s definitely your type. He’s adorable.”

“I know he is.”

“She’s probably just annoyed because she’s not used to sharing you.” Chloe nods wisely. “I mean you guys have been besties since like, preschool. She’s used to having you all to herself.”

Emily takes in this new information while she stretches. Eventually she sighs. “But she has Jesse.”

“Aren’t they just like, fooling around or whatever?”

“I don’t get what that’s supposed to mean. They hangout and makeout all the time.”

“Yeah, but he’s not technically her boyfriend,” Chloe says. “It’s like. When you have a boyfriend, he obviously becomes the most important person in your life, and you becomes his. He’s like your new best friend, but a boy.”

Emily frowns. “I don’t like that. Beca’s always gonna be my best friend.”

“I mean, yeah. But she’s not gonna be the same as your boyfriend. I mean, what about when you get married? You live with that person. He becomes a bit more important than your best friend, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess.” She laughs quietly. “It’s kinda funny. When we were little, we always used to say we were gonna grow up and live together. I guess it’s cute when you’re just a kid. You think you’re gonna marry your best friend and you guys can share who cleans the bathroom.”

Chloe pouts at her. “You still marry your best friend. Just your best boy-friend and not your best-best friend. Or…” She laughs. “Well, you get it.”

Emily does get it, but she also doesn’t.

She can’t imagine anyone being more her best friend than Beca is. Even her boyfriend.

//

**Beca:** dude did you hear that shit about stacie  
**Emily:** chloe mentioned something but didnt say what it was  
**Beca:** her mom caught her making out with cynthia rose!!!!!!!   
**Emily:** wait what  
**Beca:** i know. she makes out with everyone though it’s hardly shocking  
**Emily:** wow

//

Getting a boyfriend and finding out about Stacie and CR makes for a confusing few months for Emily.

She guesses she _knew_ girls could be together like that, like, she watches shows on the WB/CW. She just never really thought about it. Especially for herself.

But now it’s like this whole world has been cracked open.

If Stacie and Cynthia Rose like girls… could she, Emily, like girls?

But she likes Benji, so?

Could she like both?

“It’s called being bi,” Chloe tells her in gym when Emily brings these questions up. “It’s totes a thing.”

“Do you think I’m bi?”

Chloe shrugs. “I dunno, have you ever thought a girl was hot?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Chloe laughs. “Really?”

Emily gives her a look. “What, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, for sure, I just didn’t think you have.”

Emily pouts at that. “I think lots of girls are hot. Beca’s really hot, especially after she got that piercing at the beginning of last year. And I think Stacie’s hot. And Aubrey. And I think you’re hot.”

Chloe grins. “Wow, thanks babe.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Well,” Chloe says wisely. “I think it’s like, if you’ve thought about kissing them and you love them really strongly. Then maybe you’re bi.”

Emily thinks about that long and hard for the next few weeks and comes to the conclusion that she’s probably bi.

//

“Bec.”

“Hmm?”

“I think I’m bi.”

Beca looks up from Emily’s desk where she’s doing her math homework. “Whoa. Okay.”

Emily fidgets with her comforter, the pages of her English reading, her sleeves. “Is that okay?”

Beca tilts her head to the side, looking at Emily seriously. “What made you think of this?”

“I’ve just been thinking about it since I heard about Stacie and Cynthia Rose. I dunno. I guess I always kinda thought girls were cute and stuff, and I like them, but I never thought I could be like… you know...”

“Gay?” Beca supplies.

“Yeah. Then I heard that and I just…” Emily shrugs. “Things just like, made a lot of sense. But I like Benji too, so I was confused and Chloe said that I can be bi. So I guess? Maybe I am. I think. Probably.”

Beca gives her a small smile. “Okay. That’s cool.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” Beca hesitates, then in a quiet voice. “Me too, prob.”

“Wait, really?”

Beca shrugs. “I had a sex dream about that chick from _Lost_.”

Emily blinks, her brain nearly short circuiting at that statement. “Juliet?”

“No, the other one.”

“Kate?” Beca shrugs. “Hm. Yeah she’s hot. Sex dreams are weird. Once, I had one where I was myself _and_ having sex with myself at the same time.”

Beca grunts. “Please don’t tell me about your sex dreams, mine are awkward enough already.”

Emily laughs. “Okay deal.”

Beca gives her a smile, one that makes Emily’s entire body feel light and drifty. Beca is the prettiest girl she knows.

“You know, there’s one way to find out.”

“Find out what?”

“If you’re bi.”

Emily hesitates. “Really?”

“Sure.” Beca pushes her feet on the floor so the desk chair rolls close to Emily on the bed. She quirks her finger at Emily with a smirk. Emily shifts closer, her stomach swirling. She’s not exactly sure what’s about to happen, but it’s making her heart beat way too quick. “Close your eyes,” Beca says, quiet and soft.

Emily does.

The soft press of Beca’s lips to hers is like static electricity, sharp and quick. It’s barely anything, a gentle touch of skin, but it sends a lightning shock straight to Emily’s chest.

Her breath stutters and she exhales sharply, right into Beca’s mouth.

Beca pulls back, a knowing and smug smile on her face. But she looks at Emily with kind eyes, patient and caring and maybe a little darker than Emily’s ever seen them before. “Well?”

Emily doesn’t have words. She’s fourteen and she’s seen kissing on TV, has _made out_ with a boy in real life, and nothing could have prepared her for that.

She nods, staring at Beca with wide eyes. “I’m for sure bi.”

Beca laughs with easy confidence, but her cheeks are flushed and Emily can see the nerves under all that self-assuredness. It makes Emily feel soft.

Yeah, she’s definitely bi.

~~

It’s been two months since Beca’s turned fifteen when Emily realizes things are starting to get bad.

“Can I come over this weekend?” Beca asks her, the two of them walking their bikes side-by-side. It’s quicker to ride them, but then they get less time to talk after school.

“Probably. Gotta ask my mom, but she always says yes when it’s you.” Beca smiles at that, but not as big as Emily thought she would. “You wanna sleep over?”

Beca shrugs. “Yeah.”

“What’s going on with you?”

Beca glances over at her. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno, you’re being weird. It’s Friday. Usually you’re all hyper, riding circles around me because it’s the weekend and you don’t have to see Mrs. Abernathy for two whole days.”

“Yeah, she seriously sucks all the fun out of my life.” Beca rolls her eyes. They come up to the intersection in their neighborhood where they have to go different ways to get to their houses and Beca stops. “Nothing’s going on. I’m just tired, I guess.”

“Okay.” Emily searches Beca’s eyes for any indication that she’s not okay, but she doesn’t find anything. Beca’s been wearing her eyeliner extra thick lately and it makes her eyes look really blue. Emily absentmindedly thinks Beca might be the prettiest girl in the school. “I’ll ask my mom when I get home and then text you then.”

Beca nods, throwing her leg over her bike seat and getting ready to pedal away. “Cool. See you soon then, probably.”

Emily watches Beca ride away and turn the corner before getting on her own bike. She knows Beca said she was fine, but Emily still thinks about it the rest of the way home.

She’s not sure she believes her.

//

**Emily:** did you get number 3c on ms days science worksheet?  
**Emily:** nvm i think i got it  
**Emily:** benji wants to go the to the movies on friday you should come with and bring jesse  
**Beca:** sure ill ask him. he’ll prob say yes hes like stupid obsessed with movies its annoying as shit. but sorry i just saw these i had my music loud and didnt hear my phone.   
**Emily:** its okay. your parents fighting again?  
**Beca:** when arent they  
**Emily:** want me to call you? we can do math together over the phone cuz i know you havent started it yet  
**Beca:** its annoying that you know me like this but yeah ok

//

Emily flinches when the door slams, but it doesn’t faze Beca. She just pulls back the curtains in her room, glancing out the window with a frown.

Beca rolls her eyes and throws herself back on her bed. She’s trying to look unbothered, but Emily can see the tension in the way she folds her fingers together over her stomach.

“Where do you think she goes?” Emily asks, her voice soft and even, just in case Beca really is upset.

Beca shrugs. “No fucking clue.” She goes stiff, her eyes staring up at the ceiling. “Just hope they get divorced or something soon. Everyone would probably be a lot happier.”

Emily frowns. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“They’re your parents.”

“So what?” Beca scoffs. “All they do is fight, and my mom cries, and my dad screams, and then she storms off like this. And I hate it. If they’re staying together because of me then I wish they wouldn’t because I seriously don’t give a fuck anymore.”

Emily doesn’t know what to say. Her parents get along all the time. She’s never heard them even have a real fight.

She pouts and sits next to Beca’s legs, wrapping her hand around Beca’s knee. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. But I’m sorry they suck. It’s not fair.”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s whatever.”

“Well, when we grow up and live together, we won’t slam any doors.”

Emily knows it’s a long shot -- they realized a few years ago they’re not gonna grow up and live together like their parents do -- but maybe it worked because Beca’s lips twitch a little.

“Yeah, okay,” Beca says. “And no yelling. We obviously will just talk about things like not-crazy people do.”

“Duh. And we’ll have a cat.”

Beca gives a small laugh. “Okay.” She glances over Emily, frowning. “It’s getting late, you don’t have stay through the drama. Your mom always gets mad when you ride back in the dark.”

“She’s dramatic.” Emily hesitates, her hand still on Beca’s knee. “It’s Saturday, though, maybe I can sleep over.”

“If you want. My dad probably won’t even notice.”

“Do you want me to? I know you like being alone sometimes.”

Beca shrugs. “I mean… If you want to.”

Emily translates that to yes in Beca-speak. “Yeah. I mean, if I go, I’ll just end up calling you in twenty minutes probably anyway.”

“Yeah,” Beca grins. “Probably.”

Emily gets approval to spend the night at Beca’s and they hang out for a little while more, listening to music and talking about school and their friends. When they finally crawl into Beca’s bed for the night, Beca sighs.

“Let’s sleep at your place next time.”

“Okay,” Emily agrees. Her legs are getting too long for Beca’s bed anyway. They don’t quite fit the way they did when they were eight. Emily doesn’t mind being close, but now they’re always bumping up against each other when they move and Emily’s definitely elbowed Beca in the face during the night on more than one occasion.

They slip into easy silence, both of them thinking. Emily thinks about Beca’s frustration, her hidden sadness. She wishes she could take it away. She wishes she could shake Beca’s parents and make them stop fighting and just make a decision because they don’t see how much it’s hurting Beca, but Emily does. She wishes she could yell at them to stop being selfish and to act like grown-ups, but she doesn’t have the courage.

Instead, she grabs Beca’s hand under the covers and gives it a squeeze. Beca squeezes back.

Emily thinks that if Beca’s parents won’t do something to make it better, then she will. Beca doesn’t have to have good parents to be loved when she has a best friend who loves her more than anything.

If Beca will always have anyone, she’ll have Emily.

//

It’s Beca’s continuous ringing of her doorbell that makes her think of it.

“Bec, you can just _come in_. You don’t have to ring the doorbell anymore, we’ve been friends for over ten years.”

Beca just shrugs noncommittally, murmuring something about not feeling like she has permission, which is ridiculous. Beca practically lives at the Hardon-Junk house.

That’s what gives Emily the idea.

She rides her bike to the hardware store down the street and coughs up a few bucks to have it made. Then she gives it to Beca the next time Beca’s supposed to come over.

“Here,” Emily says, pressing a key on a ring into Beca’s palm. “Put it on your keychain and just come in.”

Beca stares at it, her face pinched in confusion. “What?”

“It’s my house key. I had a copy made. It’s for you. Use it whenever you want.”

“Your house… key?”

“Yeah. Stop ringing the doorbell, okay? It’s your home, too. Just come in.”

Beca holds the key like it’s a delicate diamond or something. “Um. Is your mom, like, cool with this?”

Emily nods. “Yep, she said I should’ve given it to you years ago. She says any honorary daughter of hers can just come in.”

“Oh.” Beca’s cheeks turn a pleasant pink.

“And,” Emily adds. “If you want to come over even if I’m not home, you can, okay? Like if you’re waiting for me or… or you don’t want to be at your place. Or you just want to steal some of my food or my sweatshirt or something.”

She sandwiches it in there quickly, hoping Beca gets it. _You don’t have to be there_ , Emily thinks. _You can be with me and things will be okay_.

Beca nods solemnly, sliding the ring onto her keychain with her bike lock key.

“Thanks,” she says quietly, her voice raspy.

“Mhmm.” Emily wants to hug her and not let go, but she doesn’t think Beca wants that right now. “So, come over later after dinner. Don’t ring the bell or I’m gonna tickle you until you cry.”

Beca scoffs at that, flicking Emily in the arm. “Like I wouldn’t take you.”

“I’m bigger than you now, I think it wouldn’t even be a contest.”

Beca reluctantly grunts. “You’re probably right. Okay, I’ll just… come over later then.”

“Okay, cool.” Emily starts pedaling away, slow enough to look over her shoulder. “Love you, see you later.”

“Love you, too,” Beca calls back, her fingers tightly wrapped around her keychain.

When she comes over later, Beca doesn’t ring the doorbell.

Beca never rings the doorbell again.

~~

Emily’s barely sixteen when she experiences her first heartbreak.

Benji breaks up with her and he says a bunch of reasons that kind of make sense and kind of don’t at the same time. She doesn’t really understand it, just knows that her entire chest is caving in and it hurts.

Her mom says she’s young and all breakups feel like this when you’re young. She says they probably weren’t going to be together forever anyway, and it’s okay if Emily is sad about it, but to remember that things will get better.

It helps a little, but what helps more is her guitar. It’s the one Beca gave her for her twelfth birthday. Emily’s been taking lessons for three years now and she’s getting pretty good, she thinks.

She learns every sad song she can, her fingers calloused and blistering more than when she first started playing a few years ago.

She mostly plays the songs just for herself, but she’ll still play if Beca’s over and they’re hanging out, so sometimes she plays for Beca. That’s when Emily feels happiest. When she’s playing her guitar and Beca’s got her eyes closed, her tiny body spreadeagle on Emily’s bed.

At first it hurts so much that Emily doesn’t feel like singing, but as time passes and she starts to feel better, she starts singing a bit more and more. Whenever she sings, Beca tells her to try out for _American Idol_.

“You’re gonna be famous, someday, I swear. You better remember who your real friends are though, or I’ll leak your secrets to the paparazzi.”

That always makes Emily laugh, no matter how many times Beca says it, and she eventually thinks maybe her mom was right.

Maybe things always do get better.

Still, sometimes it just hurts, like when she sees Benji in the halls or when all her friends are with someone, like Chloe and her new boyfriend Tom.

She still cries about it once in awhile, still feels herself going distant when she thinks about Benji.

“Boys suck anyway,” Beca tells her on these occasions. “Who needs ‘em?”

Emily will shrug and agree, but she doesn’t mean it and Beca will frown.

“Don’t be sad, Ems. We can just live together forever. Like... a friendship marriage or something. Real marriage is stupid anyway. You could like, live with your friends and then just have romantic stuff on the side. It’s kinda dumb that romantic marriage is supposed to be the long-lasting one when nobody will ever know you as long as I do. Like, hello? I’m always going to win that contest, so what gives?”

Emily laughs quietly at that. “That’s true.”

“See, I’m a fucking revolutionary,” Beca grins, jazzed by Emily’s slight uplift in mood. “We’ll just like, have two rooms and everything how we like it. And when we find someone romantic, they’ll just have to know we’re a package deal and if they can’t live with that, then fuck them.”

“Okay,” Emily smiles. “Can we have a music room in our house?”

“Obviously. And a big screen TV so we can watch Netflix.”

Emily hums in agreement. “And a modern but simple backsplash.”

“A what?”

Emily smiles at Beca’s serious face. “Like those cool tiles that your mom installed in your kitchen behind the stove.”

“Oh. Sure… yeah, okay, whatever you want. You can design it to have whatever you like.”

“And our cat.”

Beca slams her palm to her forehead. “I wouldn’t dream of forgetting our cat, Em, of fucking course.”

Laughter bubbles in Emily’s chest, the heaviness from earlier dissipating. “Dork.”

Beca just grins. “Our music room is gonna be sick as hell. It’ll have a piano and some awesome speakers and recording equipment. And all your guitars.”

“I only have the one still.”

“Well, yeah, but you’re gonna have more by then. And we’ll be rich because you’ll be famous.”

Emily shakes her head in amusement. “Okay. If you say so.”

“And I’ll…” Beca frowns, thinking. “Uh, be some kind of producer. Probably not famous. That or I’ll just live off the money you make for selling out.”

“Wow.”

Beca raises her eyebrows playfully. “Well, you won’t care because you love me.”

“So I’ll be famous and you’re going to be my resident free-loader.”

“Now you’re getting it.”

“Okay,” Emily says, loving the smile on Beca’s face. “Sounds like a plan.”

She knows Beca’s kidding, but sometimes Emily really wishes she wasn’t.

~~

When Beca’s parents finally get divorced, Beca spends almost all her time at Emily’s, which makes Emily happy but also sad.

They tell her it’s been a long time coming, that they’ve been “separated” for awhile now, and that they’re sorry for putting Beca through it all.

Her mom moves out even though the divorce isn’t final and Beca finds out her dad already has a new girlfriend. He brings her over for dinner one night, much to Beca’s horror. She invites ( _begs_ , really) Emily to come, too. Emily thinks it’s awkward, this dinner with Beca, Dr. Mitchell, and his new girlfriend, Sheila. Sheila is nice, but the whole thing isn’t much of a great time.

Her dad tries too hard and Sheila laughs too much at his jokes and Beca looks about three seconds away from throwing a serving bowl out of the dining room window for the entirety of dinner.

Emily awkwardly tries to make conversation, but mostly she spends the dinner with her hand pressed into Beca’s thigh under the table, begging Beca not to make a scene.

When they storm upstairs later, Beca goes off on a thirty minute tirade until she finally slumps into Emily and cries.

It breaks Emily’s heart, seeing Beca like this. Beca has always been the strong one, the unattached one, the one to comfort Emily when she’s upset. There’s an anger in Emily she’s never felt before, something raw and protective that threatens to overwhelm. Beca deserves everything good in life, not an unending amount of pain from people who are supposed to be the mature ones here.

She wants to tell Beca she can come live with her, but she knows that’s not really possible, and she wants Beca to know that she’ll never let her down, but she doesn’t know how. So she squeezes Beca tight and tells her she loves her and hopes Beca knows.

She doesn’t really know what else to do.

~~

Their senior year is a combination of being overstressed about college and the extreme lethargy that comes with senioritis.

Emily applies to Barden because it’s close to home and Beca applies because her dad makes her. It’s both of their number one choice, especially when a few of their other friends apply there too.

They spend the winter goofing off. They all feel the impending sense of freedom in the distance and start to slack. Even Aubrey starts to loosen up, and she lets them copy her homework once in awhile when they feel too lazy to do it.

As the weather starts to get nicer, Emily lets Beca convince her to ditch class sometimes. Beca drives them in the car her dad guilt-bought her to Dairy Queen during 6th period. Sometimes they go to the nearby park and swing on the swings, talking about nothing and everything.

The whole year gives Emily a sense of nostalgia. She spends a lot of time thinking about the past, especially her early years before middle school when it was just _BecaAndEmily_ and they hadn’t met their other friends yet. There’s this time Emily nearly overwhelms herself into tears when Beca lets her borrow a pair of sunglasses and she suddenly remembers the first time they met, on the very first day of kindergarten. Now they’re about to finish school, at least _high school_ , and that feels crazy to her.

She looks at their old pictures, the ones from elementary school and middle school, and feels all sorts of sentimental. She looks so different, chubbier and so, so small, but Beca looks so much the same.

She has the same exact look on her face that she gives the camera now whenever Emily tries to take her picture, this pinched reluctant thing that tells the person behind the camera that she’ll allow the picture but she’s not happy about it.

God, she was cute.

Beca’s still cute, but not in the same ways. She’s cute in her grumpy, aloof way that she thinks is cool, but Emily just thinks is adorable. She’s cute when she uses her laptop to make music, the headphones over her ears nearly bigger than her head. She’s cute when she gives Emily this little half-smirk when she thinks Emily’s being funny, the one that makes Emily’s heart fall into her a stomach for a second.

Emily wishes she could rewind her entire life and live every little moment with Beca over again because she hadn’t realized that one day she’d want to remember what it was like when they were little, that one day they’d be old and Emily would be desperate to know again every half-smirk Beca’d ever given her.

It makes her hold onto every moment tighter now. She knows they’re not as young as they were, but they’re still young, and one day they’ll be even older and she’ll want to remember this time, too.

She knows she’ll probably forget things, but she hopes more than anything she won’t forget the feeling of their senior year, this alive, happy feeling of sentimentality where they feel both young and old, indestructible in the face of the future.

//

She gets accepted to Barden. Beca and Chloe, too. Emily’s mom says she’s not allowed to live with either of them, that she needs to branch out and make new friends and enjoy the college experience. Emily’s upset but she guesses her mom is right. Plus, it’s not like her friends will be far. Chances are they’ll be in the same dorm anyway.

The last days of school are spent taking finals and discussing college and passing around yearbooks. Emily’s always loved yearbooks, always wanted to find the perfect message to write.

This year, she spends an extra long time hoarding her friends’ books, especially Beca’s. She wants to capture everything about their past and their hope for the future in one note, but it’s hard.

Eventually she writes, _Beca - When I met you on the first day of kindergarten, I knew we’d be best friends forever. We’ve changed so much over the years, but I’m glad that’s one thing that hasn’t changed at all. You’re still my best friend, and you always will be. I thought of a lot more sappy things to write in here, but I realized that would make this seem like an ending, and I know with us, there will never be one of those. So… here’s to the past and the now and the future. You and me forever. Love, Emily._

She expects Beca to write what she has every other year ( _Em - HAKAS. From Beca)_ , but she’s surprised to get her book back with a bit of a longer note.

_Hey Ems. So… everyone knows I'm not good at this stuff, but I know you love this kinda thing so I'm trying my best. It was hard to think of something to write because I don't know how to fit our friendship into words. It works better as a song, but I couldn't figure out how to record that into the yearbook. Guess the tech’s not available for that yet lol... Uh anyway… it's been a crazy life, huh? Especially since we got to high school. At least for me anyway. But it wasn't so bad because we were always together. It's hard to describe but you like… make things so much easier for me dude. I dunno how I would've turned out if I didn't have you. I’d probably be one of those stoners Aubrey hates so much. Haha. I guess I'm trying to say thanks for being my best friend. I know I can be a dick sometimes but for some reason you think that's cute or something (I'm not cute fuck off). Anyway I guess that's enough cheese for now. Save some more for when we live together with our cat and music room. I love you, dude. - Beca Mitchell. PS please for the love of God don't cry at this note you're NOT Chloe you're better than that._

For the record, she totally cries.

//

Emily uses her graduation money to get a new guitar. Beca takes her shopping to get it, talking about how she can finally trash that old one, which Emily finds offensive. As if she’d ever get rid of that guitar.

She spends the summer writing songs, she and Beca both making music under the shade of the tree in the backyard. It’s almost like they’re kids again, playing in the backyard during the day, having sleepovers every other night, just the two of them all the time.

Emily wonders what ever happened to Jesse, and when she asks, Beca just shrugs.

“We were never dating, dude. It was like this four year long friendship that had some nice benefits. I think we both were cool with that. It’s over now. No big.”

Emily kinda doesn’t get it still. She guesses she understands the concept more now than when it all started when they were freshmen, but she still can’t really wrap her head around it.

All her friends have had sex, Beca with Jesse, Chloe with Tom, Stacie with God knows who, and they all seem to have no trouble moving on from the people they’ve been with. Emily thinks that’s nice for them, but she personally isn’t sure she’d be able to do that.

Emily hasn’t had sex with anyone, and that’s okay. She doesn’t mind, doesn’t feel rushed. She knows she wants it to be special, wants it to be with someone she cares about and trusts more than anyone in the world.

She wants it to be perfect, even if her friends say that’s unrealistic. Emily can still hope. There’s nothing wrong with a little expectation. And if it’s gonna happen anywhere, it’ll probably be at college.

She spends some of her summer thinking about these things, but mostly she spends it hanging out with Beca and enjoying the easy time after their past has ended and before their future’s begun.

~~

If Emily thought she enjoyed the freedom of high school, the freedom of college is even better.

She caters everything to her own schedule, eats when she wants, hangs out with whoever, whenever.

She and Chloe are in the same dorm, and Beca’s in the dorm next door, so it’s basically like a giant sleepover all the time. Emily’s roommate, Flo, is nice and they’re friends, but they have different schedules and Flo is a student athlete, so she’s crazy busy and never around.

Beca on the other hand, hates her roommate.

“She’s just like, totally always judging me,” Beca complains as they eat in the dining hall. It’s chicken nugget night, which is the best night, in Emily’s opinion. “I swear, she’s like always giving me this side-eye and it’s so awkward.”

“Are you sure it’s not you being the awkward one because that seems kinda likely,” Chloe reasons. “You’re don’t exactly have the warmest personality.”

Beca scowls. “Are you saying I’m a dick?”

“Just look at your face right now. You’re glaring.”

“Em doesn’t think I’m a dick.”

“That’s because Emily’s known you since you before you were capable of being one and she’s biased.”

Emily laughs at that. “She has a point.”

“You guys are such traitors,” Beca grumbles, shoving a bite of mashed potatoes in her mouth. “I’m not talking to you anymore.”

Emily leans over and kisses Beca’s cheek. “I like you always. And I believe you. I’m sure Kimmy-Jin is extremely rude.”

“Hmph,” Beca grunts, but her shoulders slump and her face softens. “Whatever.”

Chloe and Emily exchange knowing smiles across the table. Beca is too easy.

//

Freshman year is probably the best year of Emily’s life so far. She loves her classes, loves living on her own.

She declares a Psych major after her first semester and they make friends with the other girls in their dorm. Chloe convinces them all to play intramural ultimate frisbee. Emily thinks it’s the funnest thing ever and Beca thinks it’s the worst.

They go to house parties and on-campus movie nights. They do homework together in the library and eat together in the dining hall. Emily learns about herself and the world and subjects she never dreamed of studying.

College is everything she dreamed it would be and more.

The only bad part is her freshman year goes way too fast.

//

They get a house off-campus their sophomore year with a few of their friends from the dorms. Besides Beca and Chloe, Emily lives with Flo and another girl Amy. Amy’s kind of rude, but Emily thinks that’s just her sense of humor and there’s no real bite behind it. Sometimes she makes Emily almost pee with laughter, even when it’s at her expense.

Chloe gets a new boyfriend and Flo’s on the dance team and Amy is always going to crazy parties. She hardly sees any of them, even Beca, because she’s working at the school’s radio station. Emily spends all her free-time writing music, too, and she thinks she’s getting really good. Beca always tells her she’s crazy though because even though she got her nicer new guitar before they came to college, she still always writes new stuff on that old one Beca got her.

She knows it’s silly (Beca tells her all the time), but it’s her good luck charm. Sure, it can barely stay in tune and it’s all beat up, but Emily thinks that’s what gives it its magic. When she plays it, she’s taken back to a different time, a different mindset, when things were simpler and different and her entire life felt more lyrical, less bogged down with real problems.

When she plays it, she’s taken back to backyard summers, pillow forts, Beca’s gap-toothed smile. There’s just something about that guitar that holds the spirit of growing up inside of it.

Emily’s pretty sure she couldn’t part with that guitar if she were dying.

//

It’s the summer between their junior and senior year when Emily starts to notice the change.

They’re visiting home for Emily’s parents’ twenty-fifth anniversary dinner and Beca’s dad’s new wedding. The wedding had happened the day before and they’d both attended. Beca had been quiet all week and Emily had worried, but now that it was over, she was starting to come back to herself.

It was a nice wedding overall. Emily cried during the service even though she still harbored some ill-feelings towards Beca’s dad sometimes.  She mostly spent it thinking Beca looked pretty in her bridesmaid dress, this soft-pink strapless thing that showed off her shoulder tattoo. Looking at her, Emily thought Beca had to be one of the most beautiful people she’d ever seen, even when she was standing next to a bunch of smiling people when she herself was scowling.

Emily liked how her eyes sometimes sought Emily’s and it made her lips twitch like she might smile, but she was too intent on acting grumpy so she had to hold it back. She liked that Beca sat slumped in her chair with her legs spread wide and when her grandpa told her to sit like a lady, Beca slumped further down and spread her legs wider.

She’d always admired that about Beca, her _don’t-tell-me-what-to-do_ attitude that was always getting her in trouble. Beca never did anything she didn’t want to do, which made it extra special when she did things Emily knew she didn’t particularly like doing. She wanted to do them to make her friends or Emily or whoever happy.

That’s how she knew Beca loved her, because there was no way in _hell_ Beca would let Emily drag her onto the dancefloor for a slow song if she didn’t. She only did it because it was Emily, and Emily knew that Beca would probably do anything for her if she asked. Sometimes even if she didn’t ask.

That’s what Emily thinks about as they have dinner with her parents. Beca in her bridesmaid dress, her arms around Emily’s neck while they swayed to some song Beca called boring while she simultaneously hummed along.

“So twenty-five years, that’s a long time,” Beca says to her mom. Emily’s dad’s out grilling steaks and they’re just chilling in the kitchen while her mom tosses a salad.

“Feels like fifty,” her mom laughs. “And it also feels like five. Crazy how that works, huh?”

“Honestly, Mrs. J, I’m surprised anyone can make it five. You guys got it down.”

Emily’s mom hems and haws at Beca. “Oh, don’t be so cynical, babe. I know it didn’t work out for your parents, but it’s not so hard for everyone.”

Emily reaches into the salad bowl to snatch a crouton, but is swatted away. She sticks out her tongue. “ _Come on_ ,” she whines. Beca laughs and passes her the crouton bag.

“I’ll tell you the secret, Beca,” her dad says, walking in with a plate of steaks. “Marry your best friend and it’ smooth sailing from there.” He gives Emily’s mom a passionate smooch and Emily scrunches her nose in disgust.

“Gross. We’re right here.”

She tries to make a face at Beca, but Beca’s eyes are far away. When she glances back at Emily, she has the strangest expression on her face.

“What?” Emily asks.

Beca blinks. “What?”

“What what?”

Beca laughs. “Nothing what. You what?”

“I’m confused now.”

“Me, too.”

“You guys are too much,” Emily’s mom laughs. “Anyway girls, let’s eat.”

Emily gives Beca another look, but Beca’s already slid off her stool at the kitchen island to go sit at the table with her parents.

Emily shrugs and joins them.

//

“Em, have you seen my liquid eyeliner?”

Emily looks up from where she’s standing at the counter and eating a sandwich. “Uhhhh. No?”

Beca walks into the kitchen and Emily inhales too sharply, choking on the bite she’d just taken. She coughs, her hand coming up to her chest. Beca frowns and walks over. She thumps Emily’s back a few times until Emily stops coughing.

“You okay? Jesus.”

“Sorry, you scared me. Why are you walking around half naked?”

Beca looks down at herself, eyebrows furrowing. She’s wearing just skinny jeans and a black bra. “I didn’t want to get anything on my shirt. I have that interview for my internship.”

“Oh,” Emily nods. “Right.”

It’s not like she hasn’t seen Beca in a bra before. She has. Like a million times. She just wasn’t expecting it at this second, and Beca’s hair is like, wavy in the most amazing way. Usually she just has it up off her neck. It’s not like Beca to care that much, especially around the house, so it’s always a little startling when she takes time to do it all nice. Also it must be a new bra, because it’s pushing Beca’s boobs up like nobody’s business. Her cleavage looks amazing.

“Anyway, have you seen it? Because I let you borrow it for the wedding remember?”

Emily tears her eyes away from Beca’s boobs, her cheeks pinking. “Sorry. Uh…” She literally can’t remember what she did with Beca’s eyeliner. The wedding was like a month ago and she has no idea where it is because she’s pretty sure it’s not in her makeup bag or she would’ve been using it. She might have left it back at her parents’ house. “No, I can’t remember.”

Beca grunts and walks back toward her room. Emily tries to finish her sandwich, but she’s kind of lost her appetite. She needs to get a grip probably. They’ve been best friends forever, she can’t be staring at Beca’s boobs.

Finally, she decides to give up on her sandwich. She goes to wash her plate, but it’s at that moment that Beca comes back. She’s put on a top finally, this gray t-shirt with a dark blue vest on top, and Emily’s brain short-circuits.

_Beca’s hot_ , Emily thinks probably for the millionth time in her life. But it’s the first time it’s _done_ something to her, made her speechless and hot all over. She’s staring and she can’t stop.

A tinkle of glass and a slicing pain in her hand shake her out of it.

“Owwww shiiiiiii--”

She whips her head down, seeing she’s pressed too hard on a glass that’s been left in the sink, its rim now shattered into a few pieces. Blood’s starting to congeal on Emily’s pointer finger where the glass caught her.

“Shit dude, you okay?”

Emily sticks her finger in her mouth, nodding vigorously. “Fine. Yeah. Good. My bad.” She exhales shakily. “Uh... dishes in the sink.”

Beca grabs her finger, pulling it closer to examine it. “Fuck, that was me, sorry. I know I shouldn’t have but I was in a rush. I’ll get you a Bandaid but I don’t think it needs stitches or anything. God, I’m sorry, dude. Shit. Don’t move.”

“I can get it, you’re gonna be late.”

“No, I got it.”

Beca goes over to the drawer where they keep their basic first aid kit, aka ibuprofen, Neosporin, gauze, and a pack of _Harry Potter_ Bandaids. She pulls one out, hurrying back to Emily. “Let me see it.”

Emily holds her finger out, letting Beca clumsily apply some Neosporin. Then she ever so carefully wraps a Bandaid around it. “I’m sorry, that was my fault.”

Emily shrugs, admiring the Hogwarts crest on her Bandaid. “Um, no, it’s okay. I was clumsy.” She glances at Beca, feeling a softness swell in her chest at Beca’s worried expression. “Really it’s fine. And, uh, I might’ve left your eyeliner at my parents’. I’ll ask my mom.”

“Oh.” Beca blinks. “Okay. No worries. I can just get more.”

“You look gorgeous, by the way.”

Beca’s mouth ticks downward. “You don’t think it’s too, like, casual?”

“No, not at all. You look cool. You look like you belong at record label.” Emily gives a small tug on Beca’s vest. “Honestly, you look pretty hot. All the employees are gonna be drooling over you probably.”

“Kay.” Beca rolls her eyes, but smiles a little. “I can’t trust you, you’re way too nice and way too biased.”

Emily pouts. “Swear it on our friendship. You look really good. You’ll probably get like ten phone numbers dressed like that.”

Beca snorts at that. “Alright, that’s enough. I’m gonna be late.”

“Don’t be nervous.” Emily follows Beca as she grabs her bag and walks to the door of the apartment. “You’re gonna be awesome. They’re gonna love you. I mean, who wouldn’t?”

“You do realize you’re in the rare minority of people who have liked me from their first impression of me, right?”

“I’m just smarter than all of them is all.”

Beca laughs, opening the door. “Yeah, okay. Try not to choke or break anything or God forbid injure yourself while I’m gone.”

Emily gives Beca a small push out the door. “I’ll do my best. Wait.” She grabs Beca’s keys from the hook by the door. “Don’t forget these.”

“Oh.” Beca scrunches her nose. “Thanks.”

“Mhmm.”

“Okay, bye.”

Beca gives a salute and walks out the door. Emily stands in the doorway, watching her go down the hall and then the stairs. Then she closes the door, leaning her back up against it. Holding her cut finger up to her face, she sighs.

“Ow.”

//

Beca gets the internship. To celebrate, they decide to make dinner and get drunk. Flo gets tequila and Chloe’s buys them a few bottles of wine.

Emily offers to make this pasta dish her mom taught her if the others clean, so they’re all sitting around drinking while Emily chops vegetables.

That’s when she hears a muted cry and then a _thunk_.

“Motherfuckerrrrrrrrrr.”

Chloe’s laugh filters in from the other room. “Graceful.”

“Well, what the hell? Em!” Beca’s head appears in the doorway, about a foot off the floor. The rest of her body follows, dragging across the carpet just outside the kitchen.“When will you get rid of that old guitar? I’ve tripped on it like, twelve times.”

Emily glares, pointing the knife at Beca. “I’m _not_ getting rid of it. Stop telling me that.”

“It’s so ugly and it takes up too much room. We live in a shoebox, not a mansion!”

“You said our house could have a music room for all my guitars,” Emily teases. “You promised.”

“Well that’s when we’re rich and you have a whole bunch of _nice_ ones.”

Emily shakes her head. “Forget it. I’m not doing it.”

“Ugh,” Beca groans flopping on her back. Emily rolls her eyes, a small laugh bubbling from her throat.

“Drama queen.”

“Fight me,” Beca whines with absolutely zero bite to it. Emily has to hold back her smile when an unexpected warmth fills her chest. She kind of wants to smoosh Beca’s cheeks together. She’s too cute.

//

After dinner they play Cards Against Humanity. Amy crushes them all and Emily’s stomach hurts from laughing so much. Her face is hot with alcohol and amusement.

Chloe starts yawning around midnight and it’s contagious after that. They head off to bed, one by one, until it’s just Beca and Emily, and Emily’s only there because she’s cleaning up, grabbing the empty wine bottles and their glasses from the table.

Beca’s watching her with sleepy eyes, chin slumped in her hand. Emily goes up to her when she’s finished, moving Beca’s hair from her neck. Beca looks up at her, expression thoughtful.

“Hi,” Emily says softly.

“Hi.”

“Whatcha thinking about?”

Beca shrugs, her eyes roving over Emily’s face. After a moment, she frowns, her expression turning serious. “Ems?”

“Yeah, Bec.”

“Do you think that thing your dad said is true?”

Emily frowns, having no idea what Beca’s talking about. “What thing?”

“That marriage works if you marry your best friend.”

“Oh.” She hesitates, pulling the other chair out and sitting down so they’re at the same level. She leans against her fist, mirroring Beca. “Um. I think whoever you marry probably becomes your best friend. And maybe if that doesn’t happen then it’s less likely to work out.”

“Hmm.”

Emily stares at Beca, her brain in that in-between space between drunk and sober, just tipsy enough to make everything soft around the edges. The expression on Beca’s face, thoughtful and serious, makes Emily’s stomach twist. With anxiety or love, she’s not sure. Maybe both.

“Why? What do you think?”

Beca thinks for a long minute. “I think that makes sense. But what if it’s being married that makes people stop being best friends?”

“Hm, maybe.” Emily smiles a little. “Honestly? My biggest fear is that I won’t like anybody as much as I like you. How can they be my best friend when you’re already my best friend?”

Beca gives her a little half-smirk. “Yeah bitches. That spot’s taken.”

Emily shakes her head. “Dork.”

Beca turns serious again, her body stilling. “Why don’t you date, Em?”

“Uh.” Emily shifts in her seat a little. “I dunno. I guess I just haven’t felt like that’s a need that’s like, unfulfilled for me really. I mean, I have good relationships with you guys. You and Chloe and my parents and everything.” Emily shrugs. “I don’t really think about it that much. I like hanging out with you. Sometimes I forget I’m supposed to want something more than that.”

“Really?” Beca asks. “What about all those love songs you’re always writing?”

Emily laughs. “I write those about you guys and just tweak it to be romantic. But you’re my flashlight, duh. You get me through all the dark times. You always have.”

Beca blinks. “You write your love songs about me?”

Emily’s expecting Beca’s easy aloofness, a little smirk, but her eyes lock on Emily’s with an intensity that almost makes Emily stop breathing.

“Um, yeah? I mean, kind of. They’re like, about my love for you, but then I just, you know, add romantic stuff. But yeah, I mean,” she shrugs, “you still make me have soft love feelings.”

There’s a quiet moment where they just stare at each other. Emily can hear Beca breathing into the silence and she’s suddenly nervous.

She maybe only expects it because she’s been here before, just once. Beca leaning toward her with a small smile, her eyes shutting, that nervous swirling in her stomach, uncertain but expectant.

The soft press of Beca’s lips to hers is like static electricity, shocking and tingly. It starts as barely anything, a memory resurfacing from out of nowhere. This time, though, when Beca pulls back to gauge Emily’s reaction, Emily doesn’t feel as frozen.

She surges forward again, her fingers coming out to grab at Beca’s shirt to hold her steady. Emily’s head spins when they kiss again, Beca’s exhale getting caught between them. Emily deepens the kiss, suddenly desperate to feel Beca closer.

It’s like in that one moment, Emily’s entire world flips. This is _Beca_ , her best friend. The person she loves more than anyone else in the world. Beca, who she thinks is the most beautiful person ever, inside and out. The person she trusts more than she can even comprehend.

Love bursts in her chest, overwhelming and present.

Her body tingles, a pleasant warmth spreading through it. Her heartbeat is thick in her ears, a heavy pounding that keeps pace with the thought suddenly playing in her head on a loop.

_I’m in love with Beca_.

Emily’s never had some kind of earth-shattering epiphany before, but she must be having one now. Everything in her life suddenly clicks into place. She sees it all before her, the road from the past to the present and into the future. She belongs with Beca and Beca belongs with her. They’ve always belonged together.

What else could possibly make more sense in the world than that?

She pulls Beca close, reveling in this realization, her fist still clenched around Beca’s shirt, her other hand on Beca’s neck. Beca’s breath stutters over itself and her hand flies out, pressing into Emily’s thigh to steady herself as she leans forward.

Emily’s never had such a heated kiss. She wants to get closer and closer to Beca, but they’re already so close. Her fingers scratch at Beca’s skin, wanting and desperate.

Beca exhales sharply and pulls back, her lips still brushing Emily’s. “Em.”

“Huh.” She presses another kiss to Beca’s lips, not wanting to part from them.

Beca leans into the kiss before pulling back again, laughter in her voice. “Let’s… let’s go in one of our rooms. I think I would literally die if Amy came out right now.”

“Amy can suck a dick,” Emily mumbles against Beca’s mouth.

“Wow.”

Emily sighs, finally easing back into her chair. She hadn’t realized she’d almost slid off the end trying to get closer to Beca. She blows her hair out of her face, her cheeks hot, and takes in Beca sitting before her.

Beca’s face is warm, her eyes dark, but soft. She’s giving Emily this look, amused and happy. It makes Emily’s heart flip.

“Okay.”

Beca takes her hand and leads her to her bedroom. She shuts the door behind them. Emily sits on Beca’s bed and crosses her legs, something she’s done a million times.

It feels different now. Expectant.

Beca sits next to her. She mirrors Emily’s crossed legs, averting her eyes quickly before looking back. Emily takes her hands between them.

“You’re nervous.” Emily can tell by the way she’s trying to seem confident. It’s cute.

“A little,” Beca admits.

“I can hear you overthinking.”

Beca’s lips twitch, biting back a smile. “No you can’t.”

“Yes I can. You’re gonna freak out and hide.”

“I’m not gonna hide, weirdo.”

Emily gives a little hum. “I meant figuratively. If I were to leave right now, you’d avoid me for at least a week.”

Beca opens her mouth to argue, then shuts it. She shrugs.

Emily squeezes her hands, bringing one of Beca’s to her mouth and giving it a kiss. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Beca spends a long moment with her eyes looking anywhere but at Emily, like she’s mustering the courage or the words, Finally, in a small voice, she says, “You’re like, the only person I have.” Emily frowns as Beca continues. “You’re the only person who’s always been there for me. Not my parents, not my other friends. And we kissed and I want _more_ , but what if… if we change and something happens? I’ll have nobody.”

Emily’s heart breaks at that.

“That’s not gonna change. No matter what. You’re always gonna have me. I couldn’t stop caring about you if I tried.”

Beca shrugs. “Well it’s easy to say that now. But like, let’s not be naive, okay? What if we like, date or something? People don’t always stay together and they don’t always love each other, even if they did at some point. Sometimes it goes away. Sometimes people change into different people and then you’re just in love with a person who doesn’t exist anymore.”

“You saying I’m in love with you?” Emily teases. Beca freezes, her mouth opening. Emily gives her a soft smile. “I think you’re probably right.”

Beca looks away, her cheeks pinking and shoulders slumping. “Em.”

“I hear you, okay? I know where you’re coming from. Do I think it’s possible that that might happen? Sure, I guess it’s possible.” Emily softens her voice, tilting her head to meet Beca’s eyes. “Do I think it’s gonna happen? Not in a hundred years.”

“It could.”

“It won’t.” Emily reaches out, touching the back of her hand to Beca’s cheek. “Look we’re almost 22 now, so we’ve been friends for what? Sixteen years?”

Beca grunts. “Seventeen.”

Emily smiles at that. “Okay seventeen. Don’t you think we’ve changed enough over all that? I’ve loved you for longer than some people our parents’ age have been married. I think we’d know by now if this well was gonna run dry.” Emily hesitates at the uncertainty on Beca’s face. “Have you… thought about this a lot?”

“I guess.”

Emily pouts. “For how long?”

“I dunno,” Beca shrugs. “Like… on and off my whole life. But really just like, this past year.”

“Your whole…? Beca, _what_.”

“What?”

Emily’s heart flips. “You’ve really thought about… about me and you, and been scared about it, like, for that long?”

“I mean.” Beca scratches at her nose self-consciously. “Not necessarily in this like, context, or whatever. I’ve thought about us not being friends and how much that would suck. And I’ve thought about how you’re like, the only person on the planet I can actually stand for more than an hour and how for some strange reason I’m your favorite person in the world and how like… you’re smart and patient and kind and you like _me_ , even when I’m none of those things.” Beca shrugs. “And a couple times growing up you know, I thought about what it would be like if we kissed, like, for real. But it was just a kid fantasy, you know? I never thought it would like, happen or anything.”

Emily can feel herself starting to smile too much and she bites it back, doesn’t wanna scare Beca. “And what about now?”

“Now?” Beca frowns, thinking. “Well maybe lately I’ve just been… seeing you differently. I feel like we’re so much older now, and it’s like, you’re just… you know, all,” Beca mumbles something that Emily doesn’t quite catch, “and stuff.”

“I’m what?”

Beca rolls her eyes, shifting awkwardly. “...Beautiful. And stuff.” Beca blushes, looking like she’d be happy to disappear.

If Emily wasn’t in love before, she is now. She can feel her smile taking over but she can’t stop it. “Becaaaa.”

“Stop it.”

“No.” Emily tackles Beca in a hug, pushing her over so she’s lying back on the bed. She spreads on top, putting all her weight down.

“Ugh you’re crushing me you weirdo.”

Emily grins. “Good.” She lifts her head to look Beca in the eyes. She’s happy when Beca doesn’t look away. “I didn’t really think about us in this way until tonight, but… I definitely have been like, constantly objectifying you in my head.”

Beca snorts. “Just say you’ve been checking me out.”

“Ugh you know I think that makes it sounds like I work at a grocery store. But fine, I’ve been checking you out.” Emily puts her chin on Beca’s chest. “You’re hot.”

“K. Thanks I guess.”

Emily laughs. “Bec.”

“Hmm?”

“You know we belong together, right?”

Beca gives her that half-smirk that makes her heart fall into her stomach. “You know I don’t believe in that meant-to-be stuff, _right_?”

“I know, but that doesn’t make it not true.”

“Maybe,” Beca admits. “I guess if I was meant to be with someone it’d be you. I mean nobody else is gonna love me like this.”

Emily pouts. “Stop, you’re extremely lovable. You’re right, though, but only because my love for you is greater than any love that anyone has ever had in all of history. Obviously.”

“Stop, I can’t.” Beca rolls her eyes. “Can we go back to kissing? That was so much easier.”

Emily’s stomach shakes with laughter. She presses her lips to Beca’s, soft and careful. It makes her body tingle when Beca’s tongue slides into her mouth. Happiness flutters in Emily’s chest, shiny and bright.

She thinks she could kiss Beca forever, is kinda annoyed they didn’t do it before. Beca deepens the kiss, pulling Emily closer. Emily’s dizzy, feeling Beca under her, her distinct Beca-smell intoxicating and pretty.

“We really should’ve done this sooner,” she murmurs against Beca’s lips. Her body warms when Beca’s fingers trail under the hem of her shirt, resting on her lower back. Heat shoots through her, wanting and sharp. She shifts, trying to press into Beca more.

“Yeah.” Beca’s voice is shaky and rough, a little higher than usual. Emily blinks, pressing down in the same spot, her knee finding purchase on the bed between Beca’s legs. Beca exhales roughly, breathy and weak. Her fingers press tightly into Emily’s skin and Emily’s brain goes blank. She can feel a wet warmth between her legs, a stark wanting spreading through her.

She has _a lot_ of feeling pumping in her body and doesn’t know what to do with this energy. She exhales, pulling Beca’s lips between her teeth gently, pushing down with her knee. Her fingers settle on Beca’s neck, her thumb pressing into Beca’s pulse point.

Beca shivers. “Ems.”

“Huh?”

“Should we --” Beca makes a muted noise in her throat when Emily breathes in her ear. “Should we like, slow down or stop or something?”

Emily pulls back, putting some distance -- an inch of it, that’s all she can manage -- between them. “Do you want to?”

Beca searches her face. “Do _you_? I mean. It’s still your, like, first time, right?”

Emily considers that. “Not because I didn’t want to. It’s because I was waiting for someone I love and trust to make it special.” Emily touches her nose to Beca’s. “I guess I was waiting for you.”

“No you weren’t,” Beca raises an eyebrow. “I so wasn’t even on your radar.”

Emily laughs. “Maybe I wasn’t actively waiting for you, but I was waiting for someone _like_ you. So maybe on like a subconscious level I really was just waiting for you.”

She trails her fingers down Beca’s neck, her arm, her wrist. Beca’s skin is warm and Emily likes the goosebumps that form when she slides her hand under Beca’s shirt, scratching over her stomach. Beca’s eyes fall shut and she pulls Emily back to her.

“Okay okay okay. Just like, tell me if you want to stop? Please. It won’t hurt my feelings or make me mad or anything.”

“Okay,” Emily says easily. She doesn’t want to stop. “You too.”

Her friends always said her expectations were too high, that it would never be perfect, not like in the movies, especially her first time. Maybe they were right, it’s not like the movies. It’s clumsy and a little awkward. In the movies, it’s sexy and sensual, and nobody smiles or talks, but Emily loves the way she can make Beca laugh, the two of them being goofy to make up for the awkwardness.

Emily always thought she would feel nervous about someone seeing her naked, but she’s okay. She’s comfortable, especially when Beca runs her finger over every inch of her skin, looking at Emily with an unexpected reverence. It makes a wave of emotion rise up within her, how much she can feel Beca’s love for her with every kiss, every careful touch.

It’s not like the movies, not graceful, not the fluid one-shot-scene Emily always imagined.

But it is perfect.

It’s perfect because she’s with someone she loves.

It’s perfect because she’s with Beca.

~~

Emily spends her senior year of college hopelessly in love. It’s like the sun migrated to her chest and lives there now, giving her endless warmth.

Things don’t change much, but they change a little. It’s like they’re the same, but now she gets to kiss Beca whenever she wants. She writes songs about Beca and doesn’t make up the romantic parts. Emily’s parents tease them endlessly and Beca smiles all the time, even when Amy makes innuendos about them over breakfast.

The only downside is they’re both crazy busy. Beca’s got her internship and Emily decides to write a senior thesis and apply to grad school. She gets into a few places, but decides to go to NYU because Beca gets a job at a label in New York City.

They take finals and party too hard toward the end and look for a new place to live in the city, both of them coming to some wordless agreement that they’ll still live together, downsizing to a one-bedroom.

It all happens so fast and before she knows it, Emily blinks and it’s graduation. They sit in chairs on the school’s football field, surrounded by their friends. The sun beats down on them, hot and harsh, making them sweat in their green gowns.

The graduation speakers talk about community and family, potential and the future. Everything as an ending and also a beginning.

Emily kind of feels a lot of things in life are like that.

When they finally throw their caps in the air to the sounds of music and applause, Emily leans over and gives Beca a firm kiss on the mouth. Beca grins at her, her eyes happy and excited.

“What was that for?”

“Dunno,” Emily shrugs. “Because I love you and we did it.”

“Oh,” Beca laughs. “Okay, I love you too.”

She loves the way Beca always looks so soft when she tells her she loves her. It makes her heart skip a beat every time.

~~

The only thing they ever fight about is Emily’s music.

“Just let me pass along the demo, I don’t get the big deal.”

It makes Emily want to pull her hair out. “It’s like… _cheating_ , okay? I don’t wanna be one of those people who only gets discovered or something because of their connections. I want it to be because of my music.”

“It’s not cheating,” Beca argues. “It’s just an advantage. It has nothing to do with how good your music is. I know you’re talented enough to make it in this industry. I’ve known it since we were like, fifteen. If anything, I’m just at a better place now to have that opinion. And now I’m in a position to show it to the right people, so let me.”

“No, Beca.”

“You’re being stubborn,” Beca scoffs, slouching off to their room and calling over her shoulder. “This has always been our dream, I don’t get it.”

Emily thinks it would be better if they fought about anything else like other couples do. Dishes, money, not having enough time together.

Anything but this because this feels personal. She _knows_ Beca’s just trying to help, that it’s coming from a place of love. But the thought of Beca pushing her demo ahead of a bunch of other artists just because they’re dating makes her feel all gross inside.

She hates it.

//

“It’s not because we’re dating,” Beca tells her. “It’s because I think you’re talented and I want this for you. Why even make the demo if you’re not sending it out?”

Emily shrugs, tapping her pen against her textbook. Beca never lets this go.

“What are you scared of?”

Emily sighs, snapping her textbook shut. She can’t concentrate. “I told you. If I do this, then I wanna do it on my terms. I don’t want you handing it off to some big-shot and him just saying yes to me because the label’s all-star rookie producer asked him to. I love being your girlfriend, Bec, but when it comes to that, I don’t wanna make it just because I’m _Beca Mitchell’s girlfriend._ ”

“Okay,” Beca says, her voice going quiet. “I just wish you’d think about it is all.” She leaves Emily alone after that, dragging a comforting hand across her shoulders as she goes.

Emily doesn’t want to think about it.

//

Emily’s almost twenty-four when she experiences her second major heartbreak.

It happens one day when she’s pacing back and forth in their living room, working on a new song. Her foot catches on her amp and with a sickening _crack_ , she goes crashing down -- right on top of her guitar.

It hurts. It hurts a lot.

It doesn’t hurt as much as when she blinks down at her guitar, now splintered at the neck. She rolls over, her heart beating a mile a minute.

“No no no no no…”

Tears well up in her eyes, a pain striking in her chest.

And she knows it’s not a huge deal. If she wanted to, she could get it repaired, and really, it’s not even her good guitar.

But maybe that’s why it hurts so much. It’s not her good guitar, but it is her _first_ guitar, the one Beca gave her all those years ago. The one Emily used to play in the backyard when the weather was nice, Beca’s laugh feeling like a perfect harmony with any chord she’d play.

The one she’s written _all_ of her songs on, the one Beca would listen to her play when they were just kids and tell Emily she’s going to be famous one day.

Emily cradles the neck to her chest, squeezing it like an old friend. The tears come and they don’t stop.

She feels like she just lost one of her best friends.

//

That’s how Beca finds her an hour later. Emily can hear her open the door, put down her keys, take off her shoes.

“Em?”

She grunts, too low for Beca to hear, but she can’t make anything louder or she’ll probably start sobbing.

Beca strolls into the living room, unwinding her scarf from around her neck. She freezes when she sees Emily on the floor, head curled into the couch cushion and clutching the broken guitar neck in her lap.

Beca frowns, taking this in, and Emily tries to say something, but all that comes out is an incoherent bubble of sound.

“Oh, babe.” Beca walks the rest of the way in and sits next to Emily on the floor. She pulls Emily close to her and Emily just falls into her chest, her breathing getting more rapid. As soon as Beca’s arms are around her, she feels everything in her snap.

The cries come out in harsh sobs, tears funneling down her cheeks and into Beca’s neck. She tries to breathe deeper, but she can’t. It feels like her entire chest is caving in.

Beca hums in sympathy, her nose in Emily’s hair. She wants to tell Beca she’s fine, she’s just being dramatic and it’s okay, but she can’t. She can’t and it _hurts_.

Eventually the tears stop coming. Beca squeezes her tight to her chest until Emily breathes normal again.

“It broke.” Emily’s voice cracks trying to get it out.

“I know,” Beca murmurs. “I’m so sorry, Em.”

Emily pulls back, wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying so much. It’s just a cheap guitar.”

Beca chuckles, reaching up to push Emily’s hair back so it’s not in her face. “If you really believed that, I’d eat my foot, dude.”

“It was just,” Emily tries to keep her voice steady, but it’s squeaking, “a really good guitar.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Beca pouts at her. “But you loved it. It was your first one.”

“You gave it to me.” Emily sniffles. “It was a magic guitar. Like a good luck charm.”

Beca hums, her fingers still on Emily’s face. “I don’t think the magic was in the guitar, sweetheart.”

“Shut up, yes it was.”

Beca laughs. “Okay, fine.”

“But also maybe it wasn’t.”

“Yeah, maybe it wasn’t.”

“It could never stay in tune.”

Beca gives her a small smile. “It was literally like $125, I’m surprised it could even _get_ in tune.”

“$125 is a lot for a twelve year old,” Emily pouts. “That’s a lot for me _now_.”

“Your other one was like $500.”

“Well I was rich in high school. I’m a poor grad student now.” Emily finally uncurls her stiff fingers from around the neck. She looks down at it sadly. “It just felt like… like all my dreams were in this guitar.”

Beca opens her mouth. Then she closes it. She frowns, her jaw tightening. Finally she sighs. “Em… I have to tell you something.”

Emily doesn’t like that phrase. Her heart drops into her stomach. “If you’re gonna break my heart, can it wait until tomorrow? I can’t handle anything else today.”

“I don’t know if it’s bad. I just.” Beca looks away, her hand pressing sideways across her mouth. She closes her eyes. She drops her hands to her lap, twisting her fingers together. “The reason I’ve been like… so pushy, I guess? About your demo. Is that… I accidentally already showed it to someone.”

Emily blinks, her whole body stilling. “What?”

“It was an accident, I swear.” Beca looks back at her, her eyes pleading. “I was like, listening to it at work and just tweaking with some stuff on it for fun and my boss, he came in. And he heard it. And he like, _loved_ it, dude.” Beca’s lips twitch in a smile. “And he was trying to get me to pass it on and I had to tell him that it wasn’t you know, _ours_. Like the artist hadn’t given permission, it was just this personal thing I was doing. And he basically told me to get the artist on board even if I died trying. And I mean,” Beca rolls her eyes. “I don’t give a fuck about doing it for him or the label or anything, that’s not why I’ve been trying to get you to send it in. I just knew that you wanted to do things on your own terms and if I could get you to show it off… well it would already go to the right people, because they were already asking for it.”

Emily stares at Beca. “They heard it already?”

“I didn’t show them on purpose, I swear. And it wasn’t after you asked me not to, it was like, before all that. I just… started to ask _you_ about it because I knew they already loved it. I didn’t want to push you, but it was like I could taste your dream and I wanted it for you _so_ bad. But then you were getting so defensive and I didn’t know what to do.”

Beca’s expression turns small, uncharacteristically afraid. Emily breathes, a careful in and out, trying to process. She hooks her finger around Beca’s while she thinks and Beca softens.

“I…” Emily bites her lip, unsure. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep. It just kind of happened and then… I didn’t know if you even wanted to show it to people so I didn’t know if I should tell you. I thought if you just sent it in then it could be like you did it on your own anyway.” Beca sighs. “I should’ve just told you from the beginning. I was just scared. I didn’t want you to freak and then like…” She shrugs, trailing off.

Emily sets the guitar neck on the ground so she can take Beca’s hands. “I’m never gonna freak out and just leave you, okay? I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me things.” Emily pouts. “You never used to be afraid to tell me things.”

Beca glances away, her shoulders slumping. “It feels different now. Like…” Her mouth thins, the way she does when she can’t put her feelings to words and it’s frustrating her. “It didn’t feel like a best friend would leave because of a mistake, but maybe a girlfriend would, I dunno.”

“Nooo.” Emily brings Beca’s hand to her lips. “I don’t like that, please don’t think like that. I don’t want us to squish into some kind of roles or expectations just because we like, kiss now. We’re still the same and you’re still my best friend and I want you to talk to me. I’m not gonna yell at you and leave. Remember? We promised to talk about things like not-crazy people when we live together.”

Beca rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “We were just kids when we said all that stuff.”

“I meant it.” Emily shrugs. “I still do.”

Beca huffs, a big exhale of air coming from her nose. “It’s like, not fair that we’re like this. It seems like a trick.”

Emily frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno. I guess I’m new to this long-term relationship thing, but,” Beca glances away uncertainly. “It’s just easy to be together like this, and you’re too like, perfect… for me. Like, we’re so young, we shouldn’t be good at this. It feels like it’s too good to be true.”

“Well we had a lot of practice when we were growing up.” Emily raises her eyebrows. “And it’s like I told you. We belong together.”

Beca snorts. “Yeah yeah.” She leans into Emily’s shoulder. “I love you, Ems.”

“I love you, too.”

“I’m sorry about your guitar.”

Emily sighs sadly. “Yeah, me too.” She rests her head on top of Beca’s. They sit for a long moment, thinking. Finally Emily squeezes Beca’s hand. “So… if I were to… move forward with this thing. What would be like, the next step?”

Beca freezes for the briefest second. Then she sits up, turning to Emily, her eyes more excited than Emily’s ever seen. “Really? You wanna do this?”

“Well.” Emily tries to stay calm but she’s getting swept up in Beca’s energy. “I still think it’s like, a little cheating because if you hadn’t worked there, they still wouldn’t have ever even heard my stuff, accident or not, but --”

“But it was all _you_!” Beca leans forward earnestly. “He didn’t even know we were connected or knew each other. He just _heard_ it and loved the music. It was all _you_ , Em. Your music and your voice.”

Emily smiles at Beca’s insistence, pushing through the interruption. “Anyway. I guess since it’s like, already out there. I mean, it can’t hurt to just… see what they have to say.”

“They’re gonna say _record deal_ is what they’re gonna say.”

“Beca.”

“What? It’s true. Just look at you. Super talented, beautiful, sexy, America’s next sweetheart. You’re the whole package. You’re perfect.” Beca shuts her mouth suddenly, her eyes widening.

Emily hesitates. “What?”

Beca stares at her, her lips twitching like she’s holding back a smile. “I bagged the whole package, can you believe this?”

Emily snorts, swatting Beca’s shoulder. “Stop.”

“Wow, I’m a legend.”

Emily shakes her head, pushing herself off the floor with a laugh. “Kay. I’m done with you.”

Beca flops on her back, shouting up to the ceiling. “That’s right bitches, you heard correctly! I bagged the whole damn package!”

“Beca.” She stares down at Beca in amusement.

Beca beams back at her. She cups her hands around her mouth, yelling as loud as she can. “I’m in love with Emily Junk and she’s the whole fucking package!”

Emily laughs, pressing on Beca’s stomach lightly with her foot. Beca’s body shakes with giggles. “Oh my God. The neighbors are gonna file a noise complaint if you go on like this.”

“Well this is important information that they need to hear, Emily.”

“Okay dork.” She can’t stop smiling. “I love you.”

Beca grins, taking in a huge breath. “I LOVE YOU!”

“SHUT UP!” Their neighbor yells.

Becs devolves into a fit of giggles on the floor.

~~

Emily spends the next few months trying to balance her Master’s thesis completion with her music. She gets signed to Beca’s label and records a few singles from her demo into an EP. It gets minor radioplay but streams like crazy.

Emily tries not to think about it, tries to keep her head down and finish school, just in case.

Their lease is gonna be up in the summer and Beca decides she’s tired of commuting from Brooklyn and wants to look for something closer. She spends most of her free time leaving Emily to her textbooks while she visits apartment after apartment in the city.

She finally comes home a month before Emily’s graduation, her body vibrating in excitement.

“I found the perfect place,” she says, sliding between Emily and their kitchen table and sitting right on Emily’s lap so they’re facing each other.

“Okay, hi. Working here.”

Beca’s arms come up around her shoulders as Emily leans back in the chair. “Ems, you’re not gonna believe this place. You’re gonna love it.”

Beca shows her pictures on her phone of a two-bedroom in the Village with high ceilings and hardwood floors and all this natural sunlight. It’s not too big (it’s tiny basically) but Beca was right. Emily loves it.

Until Beca tells her the price.

“It’s _what_?!” She looks at Beca like she’s crazy. “Bec, we can’t afford that.”

“Yes we can.” Beca taps Emily’s shoulders with unmasked energy. “We’re gonna use my salary bump and your signing bonus for the first few months. And then once you graduate and start doing promo stuff and shows, we’re gonna have enough no problem. I did the math I promise.”

“Why, though? Why are you even looking at two-bedrooms? One is _so_ much cheaper and we don’t even need more than that.”

Beca’s restless tapping stops. Her eyebrows quirk upward. “That’s our music room, obviously.”

“Our music room?”

“Mhmm. See look,” Beca says, swiping through the photos. “All your guitars, when you get more, are gonna go in that corner. And we’ll put my recording equipment there, and I’ll wire in some sick ass speakers. And it’ll be like we always dreamed it would be. We could probably even fit a keyboard if you want.”

An unexpected lump forms in Emily’s throat.

“Uh,” Beca hesitates at Emily’s expression. “No, don’t… don’t cry. I’m sorry, if you don’t want it, that’s okay. We can get a one bedroom, I just thought --”

“No,” Emily squeaks. “No you’re right, it’s perfect.”

“Oh.” The panic recedes from Beca’s face slightly. “These are like, good tears?”

Emily nods, sniffling. “I just realized, we like, had all these dreams and we never thought they’d come true. And it didn’t even…” Emily takes a deep breath. “It didn’t even matter to me that much now, like we always were kind of kidding, you know? But you’re like… making them happen and I realized that, like…” Emily trails off, a bit overwhelmed.

Beca looks lost. She searches Emily’s eyes, her thumbs rubbing over her cheekbones. “Okay…”

“My dreams always included you. _You’re_ my dream, Bec. ”

“Oh,” Beca says, her voice small. She gives Emily a half-smile, the one that makes Emily’s heart drop to her stomach. “You’re my dream, too, dude.” She leans in and kisses Emily softly on the lips. “Um, so, like, yes to this place?”

Emily nods. “Yeah. Yes. It’s perfect.”

“Oh thank God.” Beca reaches into her pocket and then presses something cool into Emily’s hand.

Emily blinks at it. “A key?”

“It’s ours. I already applied and put down the deposit because I thought it was gonna get snatched.”

“ _Beca_!”

“I’m sorry, I just thought you’d love it!”

Emily lets her head drop to Beca’s shoulder, exasperated. “What if I said no? You said we could choose something else!”

“Well, I was gonna be fucked then, I dunno!”

“You’re dumb.”

“Yeah. I’m dumb as shit.”

 Laughter bubbles in her stomach, first small and slow, then uncontrollable. She squeezes Beca to her tightly until she can breathe again.

Finally she looks back up. “Well when do we move in?”

Beca bites her lip. “Umm. Don’t freak.”

“If you say anytime before I graduate I will literally have a nervous breakdown.”

“Oh.”

“Beca…”

Beca gives her a pleading smile, her voice small. “Next week?”

Emily slumps back down onto Beca’s shoulder with a groan. “You’re so freaking dumb.”

//

Somehow, it’s a blur how it happened really, Emily finishes her thesis and graduates. They move into their new place, mostly because Beca takes a week off work and wrangles her colleague Theo into helping them move their stuff.

Emily celebrates graduation by sleeping for three days straight. It probably would’ve been four days, but it’s on day three that she’s woken from her mighty slumber to a careful pressure on her abdomen.

“No,” she can hear Beca whispering. “No stop, you tiny idiot.”

Emily opens her eyes as the pressure moves to her chest, only to see a pair of yellow eyes looking her right in the face.

She nearly screams.

“Sorry!” There’s panic in Beca’s voice. The eyes and pressure on her chest disappear. Emily shoots into a sitting position, suddenly wide-awake. She blinks at Beca, her focus zeroing in a small black mass in Beca’s arms.

“Um,” Emily says.

“Sorry,” Beca says again. She presses her face into the black mass. “Bad Sammy.”

Emily frowns, her heart finally calming down. She feels groggy. “Is that…”

Beca smiles sheepishly, holding out the void of blackness. “Ems, meet Samson.”

Emily now sees the black mass has fur. And is totally adorable.

“YOU GOT A CAT?!”

Beca reels back. “Whoa.” From her arms, Samson meows. “Um. Yeah. For your graduation and twenty-fifth birthday present.”

She carefully sets Samson back on the bed. He tentatively sniffs over the sheets, then crawls into Emily’s lap. He immediately starts kneading Emily’s thigh under the blanket.

“Oh my stars.” Emily resists the urge to squeeze him to her chest. Instead she carefully pets over his back. “Bec, you didn’t.”

“Don’t be _too_ happy about it because he’s a shit. He won’t stop zooming around.” Beca sits in bed next to Emily, her finger flicking out at Samson’s tail.

“Aw, don’t.” Emily swats her away. “Oh my God, he’s so tiny.” She beams at Beca. “You got us a kitten.” She pulls Beca to her, crashing Beca to her chest. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Beca’s laugh is barely audible from where her mouth is pressed to Emily’s shirt. “I love you too.”

Between them, Samson lets out a tiny, adorable _meow_.

//

Emily’s stomach twists, anxiety and nerves bubbling up the longer she stands there. It’s only been a second since she stepped on the stage, but the moment seems to stretch.

The stage lights are bright on her face, and she thinks the crowd is cheering, but her heartbeat is too loud in her ears for her to properly gauge what’s happening. She can feel the sweat on her lower back, the tight press of her guitar strings under her fingers.

Loud whistles come from the crowd in front of her and a camera flashes and the lights beat down on her like the sun and it’s so _much_. And then --

Then it’s not quite so much. Then there’s Beca, pushing her way through the people and appearing in the front row, her arms crossing over her chest as she looks up at Emily.

Her face shines with pride, looking up at Emily with love. She shoots Emily a half-smile and gives her a subtle thumbs up.

She’s beautiful, Emily’s dream, right there in the flesh.

Emily smiles, speaks into the mic. The crowd cheers, but she sees and hears none of it. She looks at Beca and Beca looks back.

Then, finally, Emily begins to sing.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!!!! emilyjunk.tumblr.com


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